"The Kennedy Photo Conspiracy"

Mr. Kennedy is Alive and Well! But that all depends on how you look at things. As we re-visit a photo from Novenber of 2002, rumors were flying that JFK was up and around and trying to be discreet as he sipped a latte at the original Starbucks store in Seattle. A patron who was also in the restaurant snapped a quick photo of Kennedy reading the morning paper. From this photo, The Weekly World News made the conclusion that JFK's murder was full of more questions than answers. An article was included with the picture suggesting that the horrible day in Dallas was staged and JFK addictted to pain medication, was whisked away for rehab and a new life deep in the Islands of Samoa. The photograph shows a rather young looking Kennedy who seems healthy and happy and must be a regular at the local CVS drug store purchasing Just For Men hair dye. Is he alive? YOU decide before taking a gander at the newest photo to surface just two weeks ago. Photo #2 was taken at a Kennedy Family Honors event. When Kennedy's name was announced, three men made their way to the podium to address the crowd: Mr. Kennedy, wrestler on WWE's Monday Night Raw, Sen. Ted Kennedy, and off tto the right, JFK! While Sen. Kennedy begins a long process of treatment and therapy today, patrons in his hospital noted that JFK was in a private meeting with the recovering Senator for over two hours before he was released. JFK was said to have been in disguise wearing a pony tail, sunglasses, and baseball cap. As people both Democrats and Republicans, have set aside their differences in order to come together and pray for the Senator's speedy recovery, one thing is for sure... that is, Teddy isn't getting any younger. When he dies, who will take over as captain of the Kennedy ship? Insiders have speculated the job should belong to Kennedy family member by marriage, Arnold Schwartzaneger. With the discovery that JFK is still around, the former President could very well take Ted's post in the senate.

"Hey Kids!!! Ask Mom For This Stuff!"

Indiana Jones and the Search for the Lost Goldmine...

In Just a few days we get to see part 4 of the Indiana Jones chronicles. Ir was nearly a 20 year wait. The fourth installment of the franchise was never going to take place. The only thing that saved it was the empty wallet of Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg. Am I supposed to believe that the script got lost all these years? Was it buried in one of the wooden crates stored in the warehouse full of "The Ark of the Covenants"? Just like good pal George Lucas and his Star Wars movies, Spielberg thought this would be the perfect time to bring back Indiana Jones and take advantage of all the new special effects in Lucas Arts Industrial Light and Magic studios. George Lucas told us in 1980 that "Return of the Jedi" was the end of Star Wars and then all of a sudden, by some miracle, three scripts appeared out of thin air and these three films would be prequels to the original trilogy (as a sidenote, Lucas swore again that he was done milking the Star Wars franchise in 2004 yet, rumors are swirling that perhaps another trilogy will be made to take place after "Jedi" ends.) Likewise, Spielberg is toying with the idea of making prequels for "Indy". I guess these would fall in between "Young Indiana Jones" with the late River Phoenix and the "old Indy" that we see on the silver screen today. There's one tale however, that need not be written and turned into a movie...that is, "Indiana Jones and the Search for the Lost Goldmine. Even months before the movie was set to make a splash in theaters, all kinds of product tie-ins were selling like hotcakes. Not too bad for a movie version of Activision's Pitfall Harry, and not so bad for a 65 year old man running down hills and swinging from ropes on trees. Even without Indiana Jones in the picture, taking the kids to the Super Wal-Mart is an adventure by itself. Thank goodness for the product tie-ins with everything from ketchup to pop tarts and soda, Doritos, Oreo's, Ritz crackers, M&M's and more! Yes, these things are strategically placed in displays that line up perfect with a three year olds line of vision. You don't take the kids with you to the store? That's okay too. The kids will tell you all about what's out there on Saturday mornings during commercial breaks. The FCC created the "Safe Harbor" Law which is supposed to designate a time period during the day that children's programs are aired. The law also regulates what ads your kids are supposed to see. Product tie-ins to cartoons and so on are a big "no no". Really? ...Who fell asleep at the switch on this one? Anyway, this brings me close to the end. Junk food related to movies is one thing and TOYS are another thing. One of the most dangerous toys to hit the market in relation to this movie is the "Indiana Jones Whip" A few feet in length, your kid will have the thrill of a lifetime making the whip "snap" and hearing the sound effects along the way. Isn't this a great idea? Kids would NEVER use this toy as a weapon, would they? There's nothing like a nice crack of the whip across the face of a brother or sister. All is fun until someone loses an eye. If it hasn't happened already, someone will. You can blame this on Indiana too!

Jet Blue, Blue Balls On The Tracks, A Blue Car At The Strip Club!

Planes, Trains, and

Automobiles make for a sex filled Memorial Day weekend trip! Everyone is ;ooling ahead to next weekend. It's the official start of summer. A time for lazy days in the sun, sipping a cocktail or two, and barbequing weenies on the grill. Some people even enjoy getting out of town and taking a trip. With the skyrocketing cost for a gallon of gasoline, folks are grabbing their nickels and times and letting someone else do the driving. Counting out of state vehicle tags and cloud formations in the sky is just plain boring. Let's face it... YOU paid hard earned money to get away, so you'd better make getting to your final destination as fun as the place where you're going. Bothing better than some good SEX to kick things into high gear. These folks had the right idea.

• Jet Bluw Airways had an "incident" recently on a non-stop trip from L.A. to New York. An airline attendant with a sore back needed to sit down in one of the plane's comfy chairs however, the plane was packed solid with no open seats available. The stewardess ran right to the cockpit to explain the situation. In a flash, he jumped out of his seat to remedy the problem and singled out a male passenger whom he asked to kindly give up his seat. "No way!" the man cried out, to which the pilot answered, "get your ass over to the shitter and don''t move! We'll be landing in New York in three hours. Besides, I'm doing you a favor by taking your ass to New York... so go sit down or I'm gonna push you out the door!". The man finally moved and sat on the aluminum throne in the water closet until the plane landed. While he bitched and moaned to everyone while leaving the plane and promising a $2 Million dollar lawsuit against Jet Blue, what he failed to say was that somewhere over Ohio, the stewardess with the "bad back" joined him in the bathroom for some "thanks for giving up your seat for me" sex. Unfortunately, the lawsuit is still pending.
• It's rush hour on the rails in Germany when a bullet train gets stuck on the tracks. Informed that it will be awhile before help arrives, the engineer decides to literally take the matter into his own hands as he unzipped his pants and began to maasturbate. He was having a good time moaning and groaning and hooting and hollering up a storm until he was done. Exhausted, the engineer leaned back in his chair and breathed a sigh of relief as someone knocked on the door. It was a conducter on the train who was laughing hysterically. "What's so funny?" the engineer inquired, to which the conducter replied, "I think you left the intercom on! The whole train was laughing at you!". Needless to say, he spent the night on the train making a quick exit undercover of the darkness so he wouldn't be seen.
• Finally, the father of a 14 month old baby got tired of his girlfriend giving him the third degree over child support. It was a busy day, to which he agreed he'd watch the kid and make a stop at Kmart to buy some lunch and some diapers for the baby girl. His car never made it to the store. He got sidetracked by the blinking neon lights of strip bar signs on the way and pulled into a bar'd parking lot. Deciding the baby would be best if left in the car with the windows closed on a hot and humid evening, he ventured inside for a couple of beers. Aware that it was very late at night, the girlfriend immediately phones 911 to notify the cops that her baby was missing. Almost simultaneously to her phone call, the guy staggers out of the bar and sees half the police department surrounding his car. By this time, a passerny spotted the kid in the car and called the cops who came and got her out. He must gave had a good time in there because in his version of telling the story he was only in there for 10 minutes. In reality, it was two hours. It got worse from then on. Police discovered he entered the bar with a fake ID and was actually 17 years old. He'll have a long time to reflect on what he did as he rots away in prison. Nice, eh?